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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24393157">The Second Time Around</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomerbird10/pseuds/boomerbird10'>boomerbird10</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tiva/Tivali Drabbles [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCIS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluffy drabble, Gen, Tivali, and includes Z &amp; T's second kid, mentions of Ziva and Tali</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:13:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24393157</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomerbird10/pseuds/boomerbird10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wee hours of the morning, Tony confides in his infant son about the day he lost Ziva and found Tali. Now, he has Ziva back and he has gained so much more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tiva/Tivali Drabbles [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Second Time Around</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So we saved a few things that were spared / and brought it to the ground / cause you always built it better / the second time around."</p>
<p>—"Build it Better" by Aron Wright</p>
<hr/>
<p>When the baby wakes again only thirty minutes after his last feeding, Tony tiredly waves Ziva back to the mattress and gets up himself. There's no way Adam is hungry again, so there's nothing that Ziva can do that Tony can't. She might as well sleep.</p>
<p>Tony needs to talk to Adam anyway.</p>
<p>He rolls stiffly out of bed and ambles down the hall, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Adam's cries are increasing in volume by the second and the last thing Tony wants is for Tali to wake up, so he hurries, trying to shake himself out of the fifteen minutes of sleep he just got.</p>
<p>When he reaches the nursery, he finds Adam red-faced and angry, frustrated after being 'ignored' for approximately thirty seconds. Sighing, Tony gently scoops up his three-month old son and moves to the rocking chair in the corner of the room.</p>
<p>"Shh," he murmurs, cradling Adam's tiny head in the crook of his arm and bouncing him slightly as they settle in. "There's nothing to worry about. It's all just fine, little man."</p>
<p>When Adam still doesn't settle after a few minutes of rocking—he's not outright crying anymore, but he's still making little whimpering noises, clearly displeased—Tony stands back up. A quick sniff of Adam's diaper reveals nothing notable, so Tony gives Adam a pacifier, re-settles the baby in his arms, and starts to pace. Walking will usually get Adam to sleep, even if he's trying hard to fight the rest his little body needs.</p>
<p>They go out into the hall and start the short trek from one end to the other, crossing the same path over and over until Adam quiets. Tony keeps walking, though, stifling a yawn or two—Adam isn't actually back to sleep yet, and if Tony puts him back in his crib now, he'll only start crying again.</p>
<p>Tony notices after a few minutes that Adam's half-closed eyes are focused on his father's face, and despite his general exhaustion, Tony finds himself smiling. "There now," he murmurs, starting to gently stroke the baby's downy hair with his other hand. "Everything was fine, just like I said, nothing to cry about. It's not so bad, right? I've got you, buddy—I've always got you."</p>
<p>Adam smiles, happy to be spoken to, and Tony laughs. "You're just too damn cute, aren't you?"</p>
<p>Adam makes a little noise—not whining this time, just talking—and Tony's heart softens further. "I know what you mean," he agrees, his voice low but conversational. "You're exactly right."</p>
<p>There's something about talking to a baby, Tony has found, that's almost like speaking into a church confessional. It's relieving to talk to a human who just can't understand, who won't judge or interrupt or later repeat what he says to others. Even if the baby falls asleep while listening, he'll still be there as a comforting presence, light snores punctuating pained sentences and confessions that are usually confined to the darker places of his parents' minds or hearts.</p>
<p>(Tony knows Ziva does it, too. He hears her every so often, especially in the small, soft hours of the morning, her voice rising and falling quietly as she explains things to the smallest member of the family. It doesn't matter that Tony can't understand Ziva's Hebrew words—he still makes an effort to tune her out, knowing that what she's saying isn't meant for his ears at all.)</p>
<p>Tonight, there's something on Tony's mind.</p>
<p>"Do you know what today is, little man?" Tony murmurs as he paces; Adam just watches, gurgling every now and then. "Of course you don't… but that's alright, I'll tell you. Today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life, and one of the best days. You might wonder how one single day can be both so good and so awful—sometimes I wonder that myself—but life just works like that sometimes, all the highs and lows squished in together."</p>
<p>Tony drops a kiss to the baby's cheek, fervently appreciative of the fact that he's here and now in this moment of quiet, exhausted peace.</p>
<p>"Seven years ago today, Adam, I was at work, far away from here—I was in Washington. You haven't been yet, but you'll love it there. Anyway, I was at my desk, totally unaware that my life was about to change, when we saw on the news that your mama was dead. Of course, she wasn't, but at the time, she needed everyone to think she was.</p>
<p>"I gotta tell you, buddy, that newscast hurt like nothing else. It's so strange when you love someone with all your heart, and maybe you don't ever even tell them, because you know and they know and <em>everyone </em>knows… and then all of the sudden, they're gone, just like you never loved them at all. And you wonder if you should have said those words you never said, don't you? It's the hardest thing in the world, stopping yourself from second-guessing.</p>
<p>"I never really had time to second guess, though, not that day… because right after I learned what happened to <em>Ima</em>, I learned I had a daughter. That's right, little man—I met Tali the same day I lost your mother. And I was scared—Adam, I was terrified. I had no idea how to take care of a toddler, much less one that didn't speak any English. She learned, of course, and I did, too, but that day… I don't think I'd ever felt so much at once. Somehow, my heart was broken and doubled in size at the same time.</p>
<p>"Little did I know how much there was left to feel, though. It's been a rollercoaster, buddy. I got Ziva back eventually, of course—that's where you came into things—and now we're all together, all four of us. Those first days after I got Tali, though, those first weeks… I hope you never have to know how badly it hurts to miss someone that…" he sighs, wondering how to describe grief to a baby when it's something he only barely understands as an adult. "I hope you never lose someone whose face is your whole heart, whose voice is the only sound you've ever wanted to hear."</p>
<p>Adam doesn't answer, and in fact, his little eyes are opening up more slowly after each successive blink. Tony estimates the baby will be asleep in sixty seconds or less and, full of affection, he gently traces Adam's features with one finger.</p>
<p>"I hope your life is free of pain completely, my love. Take it from your dad—life's a little too short not to go after what you want. Tell people you love them, even if those people are scary little Israeli women who can kill you a million different ways and break your heart in a million more. Because you know what, Adam? Sometimes, that bravery, that second chance… it turns out more beautifully than you ever could have imagined."</p>
<p>Adam quietly starts to snore, and Tony lets out a tired laugh. "Sweet dreams, son," he finishes warmly.</p>
<p>He returns the baby to his crib, laying him down and pressing a long kiss to his warm little forehead.</p>
<p>Then it's back to his own bed where Ziva's fast asleep. Tony climbs under the quilt behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and fitting himself against the curve of her back. They'll be up again in a few hours to feed the baby again, and then Tali will be up and chattering a mile a minute and they won't sleep again for another seventeen years.</p>
<p>Tonight, though, that doesn't matter. Tonight, things are as far as they can be from that painful day from seven years ago, and that's all that counts.</p>
<p>You always build it better the second time around.</p>
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